And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
