I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
