I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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