He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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