If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
