I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
