dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
