This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
