after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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