This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize