We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
