I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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