my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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