I just saw a hot homeless man
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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