I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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