Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
