Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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