whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
