I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
