So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
