and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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