i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize