Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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