Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
