Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
