That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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