You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
