Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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