I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
