I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
