i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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