I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
