Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
