I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
