Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
