walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
