DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
