And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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