my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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