I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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