I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
