he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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