I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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