is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
