Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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