Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize