Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
