and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize