I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
