you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
