mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize