Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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