You really coming over, don't trick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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