Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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