Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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