I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize