one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
