Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
