hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
