at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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