Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
