I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize