So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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