I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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