Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
operation have a gay friend backfired
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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