Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
