I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
