and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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