Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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