Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
