We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
