just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and she was petting her beer can
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
