It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
