So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
